Terrell Owens Gets His Signing Bonus In Delicious Popcorn

At yesterday's press conference to announce his big new contract, Jerry Jones presented Terrell Owens with a giant tub of popcorn (so big that it required two people to carry it) and told him that the popcorn was his signing bonus. I think he was kidding, and Owens seemed amused by it. News reports indicate that Owens's actual signing bonus will be $12.9 million.

I think the two sides should come to a compromise and award Terrell Owens $12.9 million worth of popcorn.

Obviously, they'd want to give Owens the good stuff, and when I think of high-quality popcorn, I think of one man and one man only: Isiah Thomas. The value-priced 3½ gallon gift tin of Dale and Thomas popcorn is $45. For $12.9 million, Jerry Jones can get 286,666 of those. That would give Terrell 1,003,331 million gallons of popcorn, available in his favorite delicious Isiah Thomas-approved flavors. Who could say no to that?

I think it could become the newest trend in the NFL. If you pay a guy in popcorn, does it count against your salary cap? Is there a separate popcorn cap? I don't think that's addressed in the current collective bargaining agreement.

It's just something to keep in mind, NFL general managers, the next time you enter into contract negotiations with a guy. Here are some recommendations for a few players.

Travis Henry: His next contract (if he ever gets one) probably won't be worth a lot, so I think the signing bonus could be taken care of with a gift certificate for a vasectomy. This is the very definition of cost-effectiveness. Think of the future savings.

Tony Romo: Multiple copies of this book, Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage. If his relationship continues down its current path, he might need it.

Troy Polamalu: 500,000 cases of Mane 'n Tail shampoo. Yeah, it's horse shampoo, but Chazz Michael Michaels swears by it. Polamalu's going to have to make a few more Pro Bowls before he gets the Verticoli brush, though, as it's carved out of illegal whale blone.

Shawne Merriman: A lifetime supply of Hulk Hogan vitamins. He's shown flashes of brilliance in his foray into professional wrestling, and I think if he takes these vitamins (which may or may not be healthier and more legal than any vitamins he's currently using) and says his prayers, Merriman-mania could be running wild over all of us.

Source : http://sports.yahoo.com/